


I Loved You All Along - Bokuaka

by avenged_tobio



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also Bokuto's wife is pregnant so there's that, Car Accidents, Character Death, Description of blood, F/M, M/M, pain and angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:11:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5996407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avenged_tobio/pseuds/avenged_tobio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto Koutarou is living his dream life – he’s a career paramedic, happily married with a baby on the way. On a particularly snowy night, he receives a call before the end of his shift and faces the biggest challenge of his career: when he recognizes the victim of what he thought would be "just" another car accident.</p><p>Sorry for such a crappy description, but basically this is Bokuaka angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Loved You All Along - Bokuaka

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this when I was at work and “Far Away” by Nickelback started playing over the radio, and I’m not even a Nickelback fan but like… they inspire me to write the best angsty ideas I can think of???
> 
> Also, 119 is the emergency call number in Japan.

(Ten years earlier)

Three weeks.

It had been three weeks since Bokuto made his final college decision, Kyoto University. He couldn’t have been happier: it was his dream school and he had enough scholarships to have a full ride. Everyone knew and congratulated the volleyball captain on his big announcement. Well, everyone except for Akaashi.

As much as Bokuto was hating to do it, he had to tell Akaashi eventually. It wouldn’t have been so bad, if he hadn’t already told his boyfriend that he was going to school in Tokyo. Akaashi was still a second year at the time, and neither was planning on maintaining a long-distance relationship.

Bokuto and Akaashi walked home from school quietly one Friday near the end of the school year. Akaashi had been extra quiet around him lately, almost feeling like he was distancing himself from Bokuto. Sure, it worried Bokuto to think about his reaction to the news, but it was something that needed to be done.

They approached Bokuto’s house first and they walked up the porch steps together. “Hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto said before Akaashi could turn back onto the road.

“Yes, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi responded blankly.

Bokuto gulped hard but swallowed his pride anyway. “T-There’s something I need to tell you, and it’s pretty important and I can’t wait any longer.” The pair sat down on Bokuto’s porch swing so he could do this gently. “Akaashi, I… I got into Kyoto University, and I’ve already accepted their offer.”

Akaashi’s stared at him with his usual blank expression, but his jaw dropped. “How long have you known about this?”

“Three weeks. I just… I’m so sorry for lying to you about going to school here in Tokyo. I’m also sorry for waiting so long to tell you, I just didn’t want you to be upset, Akaashi.”

“Why do you think I’d even be upset, Bokuto-san? I’m happy that you’re following your dream.” Akaashi rested his head on his hand, and by the look of tears in his eyes, he wasn’t as happy as he said he was.

“What’s wrong, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked quietly. “Is it because I’m leaving Tokyo? Is it because I made you wait to know?”

Akaashi shook his head. “I’m sorry too, Bokuto-san, but I don’t think we should be together anymore. And it’s not because of you going to Kyoto, I’m actually happy for you for making that decision, but I just feel like we’ve been drifting apart lately. We hardly talk like we used to, I can’t remember the last time you held my hand or kissed me without hiding us away, and now we’re about to be separated by half a thousand kilometers. I just don’t feel that same spark with you anymore and I don’t want to drag you down from what you want to do with your life.”

Bokuto rubbed the back of Akaashi’s hand. He had to take a moment to realize that his boyfriend was breaking up with him. “You’re not dragging me down, Akaashi. But… if this is what you want, and this is the way you feel, I can respect that. I may not like it, but I love you enough to let you go.”

“I’m sorry, Bokuto-san. Please don’t hate me, okay?”

Bokuto made a hollow chuckle. “Hate you? Akaashi Keiji, I love you way too much to ever say that I hate you. Just, don’t forget about me next year. I know you’ll be one hell of a captain.”

“Thank you, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto and Akaashi held each other one last time, and the tears had really started flowing for both of them. “Whoever marries you is going to be one lucky human being, Bokuto-san.”

“I can say the same for you, Akaashi. Thank you for being my first love, I’ll never forget it.”

The pair held each other for a few more minutes before Akaashi let go and they said their goodbyes. Akaashi started walking down the road and Bokuto watched their one-year relationship go with him.

\---  
(Present)

“Hey hey hey, how are my two favorite people doing?” Bokuto cooed through the phone to his wife. He sat at his desk near the end of a long, slow evening shift.

On the other end, his wife Hinami bit into a piece of a cookie. “We’re great. Our little guy’s as active as ever. I wish you could feel how hard he’s kicking right now.”

Bokuto smiled, thinking of Hinami and her baby bump that he loved so much. “Don’t worry honey, one more hour and I’ll be heading home. Don’t wait up too late, okay?”

“I’ll try. I’ll probably just wait until he settles down before I go back to bed. Be careful out there, okay? It looks like the snow is coming down harder.”

He nodded his head, more on instinct than anything. “I will. Not to bother you or anything, but I hope he’s still moving that much when I get home. I wanna feel it too.”

Hinami chuckled. “I’ll be sure to let him know.”

“I love you so much, Nami.” These two have been married for over three years and he still misses her every time they’re apart, even if it is for a seven hour evening shift at the office. He has to call and check on her at least three times while at work, especially now that she’s six months pregnant.

“I love you too, Kou. See you when you get home.”

Bokuto hung up his phone and relaxed in his office chair. He really loves his life at the moment – he loves his job, adores his beautiful wife, and can’t wait until their son is finally born after trying to have him for almost two years. Still, from time to time, he can’t help but think about the guy he loved ten years earlier. Akaashi Keiji, the setter with the beautiful gray-green eyes. He finds himself wondering where he is, who he loves, and what he does for a living. He wishes that he had never lost contact with him. Deep down, he’s glad that things never worked out between the two of them because he wouldn’t have his life with Hinami, but Akaashi was his first real love, and nothing can ever truly replace that.

With no incoming calls, he logged onto Facebook and searched for Akaashi’s name. He found him at the top of the list and saw how much more handsome he had gotten in his most recent profile picture. He was actually smiling too, posing with a woman while she kissed his cheek. Bokuto didn’t even get jealous at this; he had moved on with Hinami, and he was glad to see that Akaashi had found love too. They were still a few months away from their team reunion at Fukurodani, but he was ready to talk to him.

Before he could start his message, he received a call, the first one in an hour. “119, what’s your emergency?”

The lady on the phone was outside from the sound of the wind blowing in her receiver. She was reporting a car accident on a mountain road that involved one car. Bokuto paid close attention to the details she was giving and scribbled them down for his ambulance driver. “Okay, ma’am, help is on the way now.” He quickly closed out his browser, hung up the phone, and grabbed his jacket on the way down the hall. “Miyamoto-san!” he called out.

Miyamoto Takao, Bokuto’s emergency driver, came out into the hallway. “Did you receive a call?”

Bokuto nodded his head. “Single-driver automobile accident on the mountain road. Driver is in critical condition. Let’s hurry.” Bokuto, Miyamoto, and one other paramedic rushed out to the ambulance and climbed inside to rush to the scene. Bokuto and the paramedic prepared the ambulance for their patient while Miyamoto navigated his way through the mountainous Tokyo suburb.

Bokuto’s job has its ups and downs. He knew from the time he was a kid that he wanted to save people. He even wanted to be an actual superhero, but when he realized that Superman wasn’t hiring, he decided that he wanted to save people in other ways. He originally went to school to be a doctor but found his calling in a different area. His salary isn’t the best in the world, but he makes enough to take care of Hinami and their son, and he loves the reward that comes with helping people. But, of course, there’s the major downside that he can’t save everyone. He has never forgotten a single person that he has come into contact with, whether they lived or not.

The ambulance came to a screeching halt, and Bokuto and his partner jumped out with a stretcher. A couple police cars were on their way as well and they could hear their sirens down the road. Bokuto has seen just about hundreds of car accidents in the last four years of his career, but he had never seen one this bad. It looked like the driver lost control on a patch of ice and slid into the dried-up canal, the metal of the front of the car tangled in the mess of trees. The entire outer shell of the car was dented and broken, and shattered glass covered the asphalt. If the driver was still alive, which he doubted by the sight of the blood on the driver’s side, they would have to work fast to prevent hypothermia from setting in.

“Is anyone there?” he called out as they rushed to the side of the car. “My name is Bokuto Koutarou, this is my partner Matsuro Hizaki, and we’re here to help you tonight. Is everything okay?”

As Bokuto and Matsuro reached the car, he could hear the eerie moaning of pain. Thankfully, the driver was still alive but they had no idea for how long. The patient turned his head to look at the paramedics and Bokuto had no idea that he would find himself staring at a familiar face.

Everything seemed to stand still as Bokuto caught his words. “A-Akaa-shi? Akaashi K-Keiji?”

Akaashi stared up at Bokuto with weak, nearly lifeless eyes. This was the same Akaashi who crossed Bokuto’s mind less than half an hour earlier. Half an hour earlier, Bokuto had no idea that he would be trying to save his ex-boyfriend’s life.

Once the initial shock of seeing Akaashi again settled in Bokuto’s mind, he was forced to face the reality that he was in worse condition than they were expecting. The light in Akaashi’s eyes was beginning to fade and every inch of his exposed skin was filled with tiny shards of broken glass. Akaashi lifted his hand from his side that was covered in blood. Sharp metal surrounded him on every side, caging him in his spot and making their job a lot more difficult.

Immediately, both paramedics went to work trying to carve out a piece of the metal so they could get Akaashi out. While his partner did most of the cutting, Bokuto carefully climbed onto the front of the car and sat in front of Akaashi through a gaping hole in the windshield. He held onto Akaashi’s hand and made sure that he stayed awake. The moment Akaashi started closing his eyes, Bokuto shook his hand.

“Hey, hey, Akaashi, stay with us buddy. Okay? We’ll get you out of here.”

Akaashi turned to look at him again, and even in his half-conscious mind, he recognize the face in front of him. “B-Bokuto-san?”

Bokuto nodded. “Yes, Akaashi, it’s Bokuto. We’re here to save you. Please, whatever you do, just talk to me, okay? Don’t fall asleep on us, Keiji.”

Akaashi struggled to keep his eyes open while he stared at Bokuto. A faint smile crossed his lips despite the pain he was feeling at the moment. “I never thought I’d see you again, Bokuto-san. How have you been?”

“I’m great, Akaashi. My wife and I are about to have a baby soon. What about you?” Bokuto felt the tears rolling down his cheeks as Matsuro finally got him out of the car. He stayed by his side the entire time, lightly rubbing the back of Akaashi’s hand to comfort him while he whimpered in pain.

Akaashi finally caught his breath. “I’m doing great too, Bokuto-san. I just asked my girlfriend to marry me two weeks ago. I’m so happy for you.” Akaashi’s voice was so light that Bokuto had to pay closer attention to what he was saying. He sounded so happy and optimistic for a guy who was staring death in the face. Matsuro and Bokuto put Akaashi on the stretcher and rushed him over to the ambulance. The police who cut off traffic for them gave the ambulance space to move and rush Akaashi to the hospital.

Inside the ambulance, Bokuto and Matsuro hurried to stop Akaashi’s bleeding. He was closing his eyes again from getting light-headed. Bokuto noticed and jumped back to his side. “Akaashi!” he shouted, shaking his hand harder. “Akaashi, wake up! We’re on our way to the hospital right now!”

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi whispered softly. “I-I’m so sorry, Bokuto-san.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“I’m sorry that I broke your heart like I did all those years ago. I miss you so much, Bokuto-san. Could you ever forgive me?”

Bokuto made a hollow chuckle as he gripped Akaashi’s hand tighter, but let go when he started hissing in pain. “Of course. Please, don’t apologize for anything, Keiji. Let’s just… not think about that right now, okay? I only want to hear good things.”

Matsuro looked at his co-worker and the patient. “Do you two know each other personally?”

Bokuto nodded. “We dated in high school and our relationship had a… less than perfect ending. But that’s in the past now, right Keiji?” Whatever bit of a smile Bokuto had on his face, it started to fade when he saw Akaashi fading again. “Keiji! Stay with us, buddy!” Akaashi opened his eyes again and smiled lightly at Bokuto.

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. You were always too good to me.”

Bokuto gave out a hollow chuckle. “It’s all part of my job, Akaashi. Even after all these years… I still love you, Keiji. Never forget that, okay?”

Akaashi’s grip on Bokuto’s hand grew weaker by the second. “I never have. Never will.” At that moment, Akaashi closed his eyes one more time and his hand went completely limp in Bokuto’s. Two fingers on Akaashi’s wrist told Bokuto that there was no more pulse.

“K-K-Keiji? Keiji! Are you still there?” Panic set in for Bokuto when Akaashi didn’t respond to his pleas. He began a panicked CPR right before the ambulance reached the hospital with the lost hope of trying to revive Akaashi. “Keiji! Don’t die on me now!” Bokuto could barely breathe, between gasping for air between sobs and heavy hiccupping.

“Bokuto,” Matsuro muttered solemnly, bringing Bokuto back to reality. “It’s hopeless. He’s gone.”

“No!” Bokuto screamed. “I’m not going to lose him, Matsuro!” The pair jumped out of the ambulance with Akaashi and rushed into the hospital trauma center. Bokuto never took his eyes off Akaashi’s face, or his hand out of Akaashi’s. Despite all the cuts, broken glass, and blood, Bokuto couldn’t help but admire him. He was still the same beautiful Akaashi Keiji from ten years ago in Bokuto’s mind.

Bokuto and Matsuro handed the stretcher over to the doctors waiting for them and carried him off into some secluded room down the hall. As Bokuto watched the doctors take away his first love’s lifeless body, his knees grew weak and he fell to the floor.

“I-I’m so sorry, Keiji,” he apologized, shoving his hands into his tear-soaked face. “I should have been faster. I could have done a better job. You would still be here if I was better.” Losing a patient never gets easier, but losing someone who was – and, in many ways, still is – close to him broke Bokuto’s heart. This was his first time seeing Akaashi in ten years and he’ll never have the chance to speak to him again. For the first time since the beginning of his career, Bokuto was inconsolable after losing a patient.

Matsuro kneeled down next to Bokuto and lightly rubbed his hand up and down his back. “Shh, shh, it’ll be okay, Bokuto-kun. There was nothing you and I could do.”

Bokuto cried into his co-worker’s sleeve, almost embarrassed of the sniveling mess he became. He was a professional, he’s supposed to expect something like this to happen at any moment. He wasn’t supposed to combine his business and personal affairs, but how could he when they sorted themselves out this way?

“Why does life have to do this to the best of us, Matsuro? Keiji was such a good person and he had too much to live for. I wish I could bring him back.”

“You do such a great job already, Bokuto-kun, but you’re only human yourself. You can’t save everyone, you know, even if that someone means so much to you.”

Bokuto looked up from his place on the floor when he heard more sobs break through the busy hospital hall. There was a younger woman, beautiful with long red hair, and three people that he recognized as Akaashi’s parents and brother. The woman looked like the one in Akaashi’s profile picture and had on a pretty sizable engagement ring.

“Keiji,” he could hear her muttering as they got closer. He wanted to speak to them, to introduce himself and console them but didn’t know how. As soon as he stood up off the floor and started walking towards them, Akaashi’s mother noticed him.

“Bokuto Koutarou?” she stuttered out. “Is that really you?”

Bokuto nodded. “How did you know?”

She chuckled lightly. “How could I forget that crazy hair of yours?” Her light grin at seeing Bokuto again after all these years turned into more sadness as she thought about Akaashi. “Where’s my Kei-chan? We want to see him again.”

Bokuto dropped his head solemnly. “I’m sorry, he… he didn’t survive the ride here. I was right beside him when he died. I’m so sorry, Mama Akaashi. I tried to save him, I really did.” Bokuto’s pleas for forgiveness were silenced when Akaashi’s mother scooped him up in a deep hug, followed by his father, brother, and finally his fiancée.

“You’re doing such a wonderful job already, Bokuto-chan. Thank you for being with our boy until the end.”

Akaashi’s fiancée got closer to Bokuto. “So, you’re the famous Bokuto-san he always talked about.”

“And you’re his fiancée. He told me about you before he, um…” Bokuto couldn’t say those words any more, that Akaashi was already dead and gone. “I’m so sorry for your loss, all of you.”

The doctor from before who took Akaashi away came out and called his family in the secluded room where they took his body. Bokuto said his parting goodbyes to Akaashi’s family and Matsuro patted his shoulder.

“Come on, Bokuto-kun. Let’s head back to the office. I don’t want Hinami to worry about you.”

The tears that had stopped before came back flowing again, and he threw his arm around Matsuro to help him out of the hospital and back to their ambulance.

\---

Bokuto walked into his house at a little before 1 in the morning, an hour after his shift had ended. The entire house was dark except for the lamp in his and Hinami’s bedroom down the hall. He slipped off his shoes and slowly trudged along the cold hardwood floor to their room. After the night that he’d had, he needed as much rest as he could get.

He closed the door silently and went about his pre-shower business, trying not to wake his sleeping wife. His search for his pajamas came to a stop when he couldn’t see past his tears anymore. He couldn’t get the image of Akaashi’s lifeless body, all the blood and cuts and bruises covering his beautiful skin, out of his mind. Then he glanced back at Hinami, how the bedside lamp brought out her most beautiful features and the way her chest and belly rose and fell with each breath she took. Suddenly, he was afraid of losing her like he did Akaashi. It never crossed his mind that she could be taken away from him at any moment, because it’s so easy to feel invincible while you’re still young.

Bokuto couldn’t stop himself anymore. As soon as he grabbed his clothes, he kneeled down beside her on the floor and brushed her hair out of her face. The back of his hand graced her smooth cheek with ease and he pulled himself closer to her for a tender kiss.

Hinami’s eyes fluttered open at the touch. She recognized her husband’s face in the dim light and smiled. “Kou? When did you come in?”

“Ten minutes ago. I’m so sorry for coming home so late, I just… Please, don’t leave me, Nami?” More tears slipped down Bokuto’s face as Hinami ran her fingers through his hair.

“Kou, what happened? Are you okay?” Hinami sat up in bed and pulled Bokuto closer to her. He climbed onto the bed and crawled over to her other side. Bokuto wrapped his arms around her belly and buried his face into her side.

“Nami, I… I got one last call tonight, after we hung up. I was called to the scene of a car accident and… It was Akaashi. He didn’t make it to the hospital.” Hinami knew all about Akaashi Keiji from the various stories that Bokuto has told her over the years. She knew that Bokuto was bisexual since their first date in college and he talked about Akaashi all the time. She understood that Akaashi was his first love and didn’t mind hearing Bokuto talk about him at all.

“I’m so sorry, Kou. Do you want to talk about it?”

Bokuto lifted his head while Hinami wiped his tears away with her hand. “That was the worst accident I’ve ever seen in my life, Nami. I was amazed that he was even still alive when we got to him because… oh my god, there was blood everywhere.” Bokuto told Hinami everything about what had happened in the last two hours, from describing the scene to holding Akaashi’s hand when he died in front of him to breaking down in the hospital. Hinami was a nurse so, naturally, she understood what Bokuto was saying and wasn’t bothered at all.

Hinami ran her hands up and down his back while Bokuto calmed himself down. “Hey Kou, go on ahead and take a shower. I’ll be right here when you get done.”

Bokuto pulled himself away from Nami’s side and made his way to their bathroom for a hot shower. He turned on the shower head and stood still while the hot water poured over him and drowned the stressful evening away. But shower time is the time for over-thinking, and tonight was no exception.

When Bokuto left the steamy bathroom, Hinami was still awake and waiting for him to join her. “You didn’t have to stay up for me, Nami.”

“You tell me that all the time, Kou,” she started, bookmarking her page. “But tonight I know you really need it.”

For the first time in a few hours, a genuine smile crossed Bokuto’s face, as he crawled under the warm blankets with his wife. “I’m such a lucky man, Nami, and I hope you know that too.”

“Eh, I guess I’m alright.” Bokuto cupped her cheek in one hand for a kiss and ran the other one down to rest on her baby bump.

“You’re more than alright. If I ever lost either of you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. So, in case you were wondering, that’s why I asked you to never leave me.”

“Don’t worry, Kou. I don’t think we’re planning on going anywhere any time soon.”

At that moment, Bokuto felt a little push against the spot where he had his hand, then another one that was a lot harder, and another. Bokuto’s eyes lit up when he looked down at his hand and continued to feel those little movements. “There he is,” he whispered with a smile.

“He just wanted to tell his papa goodnight.”

Bokuto looked down at his hand, up to Hinami’s eyes, then his hand one more time. “Hey, um, Nami, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Would you, uh… I know this might sound weird, but… can we name our son after Akaashi? Well, Keiji that is. I know, he was my ex and all but I want to -”

Hinami cut off Bokuto with a kiss. “Of course.”

“Wait, seriously? I thought you would hate me for wanting to name our baby after my ex-boyfriend.”

“I could never hate you, Kou. I know how much Keiji meant to you, and if this is your way of keeping his memory alive, then I’m okay with that.”

Bokuto smiled at the same time more tears were rolling down his cheeks. He couldn’t be happier to have a wife like Hinami. “You really are the best.” He slid down to plant a gentle kiss against her belly. “Bokuto Keiji, I like it. How about you, little buddy?”

The baby pressed against Bokuto’s hand again, which they could only interpret as a yes. Despite everything that had happened tonight, despite watching Akaashi die after not seeing him for so long, Bokuto was still happy. He had so much more to live for, and he knew that he would carry Akaashi’s memory with him. 

Forever.


End file.
